Merry Christmas

So I'm writing this from my phone as we head out for Christmas #2 at my dads parents house. We are doing a game day...or something like that.
 
Christmas has been fairly eventful this year. I scored a plant, 2 tiny frogs (real ones), 1 big blanket, disney princess chapsticks, some luggage nametags, a woody & a buzz stuffed animal/blanket set, and a whole bunch of laughs. This christmas has been filled with love. I am continually reminded of 1 Corinthians chapter 13...so many things have happend this christmas, its so easy to just say I'm busy and put God on the top shelf until its time to pick him back up...but its not about that its all about love. John 3:16 says for God so LOVED the world that He GAVE his only son. If it wasn't for Love we would have nothing. christmas this year for my family has been tight because of my college and dads work situation etc. But I keep remembering that even though it is not the picture perfect Christmas I still have the ultimate gift. And no matter what I have or don't have I still have the best I have love. 
 
Its been crazy since I've been home the love that I have felt. Sat night after I got home I had to go to the Christmas banquet @ my church and as soon as u walked in the door my life was filled with love. Even people I barely knew were showing me love and so excited to meet me because of what the other people had told them. It was crazy and I got up with my guitar to sing and the whole church cheered. IM reminded of the song by one of my favorite bands the rocket summer and it says "you've got so much love in you" simple huh? But the amazing thing is I wouldn't know how to love others if I wasn't shown love by God. 
 
So I want to take this moment to thank my God for being love. I want to make this Christmas all about Him...I pray that whether it is an amazing Christmas with the sugarplums dancing and all or if is not the best Christmas, that you will take the time to thank Him for the best gift that you will take the time to praise Him for His agape (love). And remember no matter how bad people may make you crazy...its not about them its about Him. So praise be to God thank you for your love grace and life.
 
Love you guys have a merry Christmas.
-Hannah

Posted it and it was stupid and didn’t upload it so I am going ahead and uploading it now…because why not I made an effort to write it right?

Wow, it has been a little while

well, to say the least I have gotten a little sidetracked with everything that I have had going on...thanksgiving, studying, finals, flying home, spending time with family, etc. etc. and with the Christmas holidays rounding around the corner, and yet another year flying by out of my grasps i have barely had time to even take hold of the thoughts that are shooting like stars through my mind. but alas, I am here now to tell give a brief summary of what is going on (and you know how brief is for me, we will see).

Well thanksgiving was amazing, my mother was able to come down to spend it with me, 2 of my roommates, and my friends. it was a great time for all of us. my friends got to know my mom, and that was fantastic, but at the same time mom got to know them. I know that it gave her more of a peace in her spirit about where i am and what God is doing in my life. it was funny as soon as mom stepped onto the campus of CFNI it was like she was a celebrity, everyone was missing family so much that it was like any mom that wanted to hug them and love on them was welcomed and treated like royalty, which made me very pleased to see my mom loved on. she prepared a 20 lb. turkey for like 6 of us, which was RIDICULOUS!!! and to say the least i dont think i can even think about eating another bite of turkey for the rest of my life, after turkey sandwiches, turkey pot pie, turkey, turkey, turkey...PUKE! and after much consideration and laughter we decided that my mother is the preblessed food guy, because she prays so much when she cant find things and thanks God for the food all the time...she could get a job for that (fake) company

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9JUqS4Q2A0<--that is the video link to pre-blessed food, but know that i do not take this seriously i just think that it is funny a long with a bunch of other people just laugh at it and think of my mother and her praying, it will make it more funny i promise.

Right after mom left finals began, they were not that hard and i passed with flying colors. it was crazy to think that my first semester of college was over. that is just bizzarre to me that it has went by that quick. I must say that the thing that I am most glad that I learned this semester was just how essential it was to read the bible, it is crazy because now when people talk about the bible and about certain things in the bible i know exactly where to find it it is AMAZING

as soon as finals were over, i got to leave CFNI and fly home. Flying home was interesting after multiple glances over the sky mall magazine and attempting to sleep i found that it was impossible to contain my excitement and sit still for 2 hours, i think that it is ridiculous that they expect me to sit for that long, i cant sit that long when there is no excitement, it is just boring to me. i need to be doing something other than sitting and doing nothing but being blah. a movie would have helped my situation but unfortunately i was placed into a plane without a tv...blah blah blah blah GRR it was awful, but i made it safely and calmly and i got off of the plane found my luggage, parents and headed home

the day after I got home, Friday started a marathon which has not stopped yet...family pictures, go to the shop, church banquet, church sunday, help Gaggi move stuff out of the school, spend time with Gaggi, preach for youth, worship with the students, get on the 11 o'clock news, spend time with Gaggi, spend time with Gaggi, spend time with Gaggi, spend time with Gaggi, stop spending time with Gaggi, go to church, driving school, spend time with mom, driving school, spend time with Gaggi, wrap presents, come home, sleep...it has been crazy busy to say the least

anyways 2 days till christmas eve...crazy i know. nothing more to say for now...blog again later

I am not going to be a Cultural Christian

a few weeks ago we had this speaker at CFNI and he was AWESOME he talked about being a cultural Christian, and I would not really say that I am a cultural Christian, but I felt like God wanted me to pray for the people that I know that are, the people that say they are "christian" and they love God, but they do not want anything to do with Him when He is not giving them stuff, they are the "Christians" that you see in the crowd that you would not even know they loved God because of their actions. Matthew 7:21-23 says not everyone who says to Me, "Lord, Lord," Shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of my Father in heaven, many will say to Me that in that day, "Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name? and then I will declare to them, "I never knew you: depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!" that to me hit me strong I have a whole lot of friends that are like, I love God, I will praise God forever but they do not live it, they will live it, they will prophesy once or twice, but in the end they do not really stand on the word of God. Most "Cultural Christians" are the ones who hate the church, they hate the way that the church is, but they Love God, well let me shoot straight with you just a minute the bible says in Revelation 3:16 So because thou art lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spew thee out of my mouth. God doesn't like the people that like to say one thing and do another. Being a Christian is a lifestyle thing, you cant be a Christian and a follower of Christ if all you are going to do is the exact same thing that you would do if you were not a Christian…you cannot be a Follower of Christ if being a Christian to you is wearing a WWJD bracelet on your wrist and owning a Jesus sticker! That is not how it works; being a Christian is a lifestyle. Romans 12:2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, in order to prove by you what is that good and pleasing and perfect will of God.

Living a life for Christ is not the easiest thing that you can do, read VOM, people across the world die every single day for the name of Jesus, but they are ok with it because they know that in God they have eternal life. See the thing about America is that we are not willing to do that, Americans have everything handed to them on a silver platter, they are given the freedoms to worship and pick who is in authority over us, I am not dissing on Americans but im just saying that it is easy for them…but with all of these freedoms that we have we tend to forget and fight for God, because we don't have to, its already available to us. I'm so sick of hearing stories about all of these people in different countries that are martyrs for the name of Christ, but the staple of Christianity in America tends to be Cassie Berrnall don't get me wrong that girl is amazing and she did an amazing thing for God, but about 3 years after it happened, people tend to forget that it happened, and unless some kind of miraculous sign comes from the sky telling them to worship they will not, because they don't want to take the time to lead people to Christ, they don't want to talk about Christ when they can be talking about the next best movie, they don't want to pray before they eat because they are hungry now, they don't want to praise God in worship because well it isn't convenient for them, or they are not "feeling it" Why does our worship to God have to be based on a feeling or an urge, why does someone else have to initiate worship? Now I will be honest, before CFNI I was the same way, sometimes worship would be amazing, sometimes I would not like it so much, but I have decided to that I will fight through the convince I will fight through the feeling of I don't want to, and I have realized that when I do that God has met me where I am at every single time. Does that mean that I get a word from God every time I pray, no it doesn't, but it means that I trust God to give me an answer when it is right for Him, and no matter the circumstance of where I am, I will hold faith in my God. Now I will be honest, I am not perfect and sometimes I fail and sometimes I break the rules and sometimes all I want to do is fit in…when I went through Hell with friends and teachers my freshman year, I didn't want anything to do with God, I just wanted to fit in, I just wanted a friend, I just wanted someone to tell me I was cool, someone to love me. What I didn't realize is that I have a God that loves me more than anyone else could love me.

Galatians 3:26 You are all sons of God through faith Christ JesusàJohn 1:12 Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God. For all of us that have received Christ we are sons of God, that means that when you called Jesus to be into your life you are now His son. Ok so is you are His son you are not to be conformed of this world right? Well lets just say that you are conformed of this world, that does not mean that you are not a son of God that means that you are away from Him you are out from under His covering, you are not living under His rules you are not living under His word. I think of my mother, when I moved away my mom had a freak out session as many of you know, she did not do well with the thought of me leaving with the thought of me being out of her home, out of her covering. I was still her child, but I was not under her protection. She would cry and pray and try to trust God, and it took some time and she has gotten better, but it is still like every time she is close to me, every time she is near me she will cry again and hold me and tell me how much she misses me, and then I have to leave again. I believe that God is like that, when we come under Him and we live under His light, His covering, then we decide to be conformed of the world, and that is not to say that most of the time it is not based with good intentions, we may have started the journey with a plan to win souls, but you know you hear time after time it is easier to be pulled down than to be pulled up. Just because you have been pulled down that does not mean that you are not God's child or anything that just means that you may be thinking that you are following Him but you are not following Him the way that he wants you to. Are you reading your bible every day? Are you seeking Him? When you are hurt do you take refuge in Him? Where are you standing with God? You may still be His Child, you have not changed your name, but you have walked out from under His covering. I believe that when we do that God is like my mother, every day when He thinks of you he cries, and believes for you to return back to Him, and then you may come you may go to church and have a good night and spend some amazing time in worship to Him and He is so excited, but then it is like the next day you walk back into the world again and forget about it. You may get hurt, and you don't run to Him, that breaks His heart, because He longs to be with you, He longs for that relationship with you.

One thing that I think about every single day to keep myself on track is the song you won't relent by misty Edwards. The song says You won't relent until you have it all, my heart is yours. The thing that I love about this song is I think about the prodigal son and about how the father watched for him everyday ready for Him to come back, God is not going to give up on us, for He loves us. My favorite version of that song is Jesus Cultures version because in that version they mix the song doves eyes also by Misty Edwards with it, and that part of the song says, I dont want to talk about you like youre not in the room I wanna look right at you I wanna sing right to you, that makes me extremely happy because when I hear that I think about after I give it all over to him after I set him as a seal on my heart and I give him my heart, I give him my all, then I remind myself that he is always here and I don't want to do anything without Him near me. so there it is, I want to let you guys know that no matter what God is not going to give up on you or let you down, he loves you and he has great plans for you and your life, so don't walk away from Him in any way do not leave his side, but instead chase after him like never before love him like you never have before and give him your all, don't be a cultural Christian, be all for Him!

"beautiful" in His eyes

Whitney has this pillow and it is white and ruffled and all semester she has been anal about this white pillow. She’s been really weird about it, you must understand Whitney is a little OCD she loves to do laundry because she loves clean things, cleaning calms her; her towels must be perfectly folded, color coordinated and stacked according to size on here shelf. Her , in a disorganization is even organized perfectly so it “looks” like shes a little less OCD than she is. But the thing that I love the most about Whitney is her white pillow, this white pillow is what she calls “beautiful” the rest of us are like yeah, it’s pretty, its cute, but to Whitney it is beautiful, it is cherished.

I was talking to Whitney about her OCDness in a picking but understanding way. and she said something that shifted my thinking about her stuff. She told me she cherished everything she owns because everything she owns is with her, it is all she has. Whitney explained to me that she lived in her dads apartment, but then when she moved to CFNI her dad sold the apartment. Whitney’s home is now CFNI, a place where she has no privacy she has to live with people and share, so when that happened everything that was “hers” became sacred, it became very important to her no matter how cheap or expensive, it was hers.

In Matthew 26:7-13 the story of the alabaster jar is told. This one thing to that woman was “beautiful” it was cherished, it was here one possession that was worth something. I imagine this woman was like Whitney with this jar, she probably shined it and made sure it was perfectly placed every single day, because it was “beautiful”. She heard Jesus was coming and she took her possession and broke it over Him anointing Him with oil. She took her wealth, her future, her everything and handed it over to Him. When Whitney left home she left everything, she lost a home to chase after Him, she gave up everything to have Him. Her path following Jesus hasn’t been really easy, but God is holding her up, God has her in His hands, no matter what, that story in the bible continues when she is being looked down on by the disciples because she “wasted” her money, she threw her future away, and Jesus pretty much told them to shut up because she was doing a good thing for Him and her faith would always be remembered.

Matthew 19:29 and everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands for MY name’s sake shall receive a hundredfold & inherit eternal life. Sometimes we will have things that we take care of we cherish we see as “beautiful” but we give it all away to run after Him, But God knows He knows, and sees our trials He knows and He will bless it for us God also understands what thing we may endure, but He will never give up on us, for it says in Isaiah 42:3 a bruised reed he will not break and a smoldering wick He will not snuff out. That means that no matter how hard and weak you may be God hasn’t and He never will give up because you are His possession, you are like that pillow, you are “beautiful” to Him and He loves you. so don’t let things get you down don’t let the world crash down on you instead trust Him and remember you are “beautiful” and precious to Him.

But those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.

-Isaiah 90:31

Battles, Inspirations, and Miley Cyrus...

Today has been one of those hard days. It is has been one of those days that I felt like the world was against me, do I want to talk about it and cry? No! I want to trust my God. I have done enough crying for the world to see.

You know my whole life my mom has taught me that when someone is sick or is dealing with something she prays for God to reveal what it is that it is. Like if the person is sick and they cannot figure out what it is, that that dis-ease needs to be given a name, so that then you know where to aim your prayers. My pastor taught that when an Enemy shoots his arrow at you, he has just given away his position, where he stands, because you saw where they shot from, well im here to tell you right now that I know where the Enemy is shooting at my life, and do I like it, No, it is not fun, but then again, when is getting shot at fun? It is painful, I have been wounded, but I am not about to lay it all down and run, no I’m a warrior, I’m here to fight.

You know today I was trying to get myself out of this sad/depressed/stressed state that I have been in for the past few days, so I decided to be goofy Hannah and learn how to play a Miley Cyrus song that has been stuck in my head for the last few days, when I look at you. so I learn this song and I begin to serenade Ariana (she wasn’t a fan of it either muwahahaha) and it was like through this song God brought me some kind of revelation. Have you ever read the lyrics? Well if not here they are

Everybody needs inspiration

Everybody needs a song

Beautiful melody, when the nights so long

Cause there is no guarantee

That this life is easy (Yeah)

[Chorus]

When my world is falling apart,

when there is no light to break up the dark

That's when I (I) look at you

When the waves are flooding the shore and I

can't find my way home anymore

That's when I (I) look at you

When I look at you

I see forgiveness, I see the truth

You love me for who I am like the stars

hold the moon

Right there where they belong and I know

I'm not alone (Yeah)

Dude do you realize how amazing that is? I didn’t. let me break it down for you. the first line, everybody needs inspiration, HELLO My Jesus laid his life down for me, he was beaten for ME, he heals the sick, he loves the poor, He is AMAZING!!! What other kind of inspiration do I need? Second line everybody needs a song, ok, so as a musician, a song to me is where my inspiration, where my trials, where my struggles are places…but in the end, the song is about where I stand, everybody needs a song, everybody has a place where they stand, maybe it is on the sand, maybe it is on the rock…Psalms 104:33 I will sing to the Lord as long as I live, I will sing praise to MY God while I have my being there it is, there is MY song, there is where I stand, that is the song that I NEED for my life. That also goes with the third line of the song, Psalms 104:33 again, is my beautiful melody, He is my everything, and when I feel like the night will never turn into the morning, he is my song, he is where I stand, He is my rock! Line four and five are really self explanatory. Life isn’t easy and there is no guarantee that it will be, the bible it says in Matthew 10:34 Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword, yeah check it out, Jesus is training us to FIGHT, there will be division, there will be things, but in Him there is salvation.

Before we even touch the chorus, lets talk about the second verse. The first line is pretty much going with what I just said, things wont always be easy and God has called us to fight, but it also says in Matthew 10:38-39 and he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it and he who loses his life for MY sake will find it there you have it if you are seeking forgiveness and truth and the one guarantee that will always forgive and will always be truthful is God, and if you are willing to lay your life down for HIS sake you will gain everything he has for you. The next thing is You love me for who I am like the stars hold the moon. Pretty much my take on this is that God Loves Me!!! And He has me safe in His care, He has made me to be who I am, and where he has called me, He will hold me and keep me perfectly just like the stars and the moon something that is set and placed so accurately that He has my life, placed and formed with such perfection, now that is love!!! And with all of that Love, I know that I’m not alone.

Now for the Chorus, When my world is falling apart when there’s no light to break up the dark. You know daily in the world people are killed, people are injured, finances are low, Satan is always attacking, and worlds are always falling to pieces, sometimes you are sitting in a dry season staring at the ceiling and shouting, and you see no light, the night is getting longer and longer and darker and darker and there is no light to break any of this you are just in pitch black desert. It is HELL but you know what…Matthew 5:3-10 blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted, blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called Sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven., that’s when I, look at you. wow…wait it gets better. When the waves are flooding the shore and I cant find my way home anymore Matthew 8:24-27 and suddenly a great tempest arose on the sea so that the boat was covered, but He was asleep Then his disciples came to Him and awoke Him saying, Lord save us! We are perishing. But he said to them why are you fearful O You of little faith? Then he arose and rebuked the winds and the sea and there was a great calm. So the men marveled saying who can this be that even the winds and the sea obey him. That’s when I look at you. You know sometimes I feel like my ship is going to wreck and I cant see anything ahead of me, but then I remember that the winds and seas obey my God, no matter the size of my problem I have a God who is bigger. I have a God who is big enough to take on my storms and they will bow to Him!!!

So Here I am despite this struggle that I am in right now, despite the tears that I have cried, I am standing on the rock and I am pulling out my sword, I am going to fight for my kingdom, im going to fight for the victory, its close by. Satan has revealed His standpoint, so me and my God are about to counterattack! Satan you better watch it because you are about to die.

and Im Free Free Fallin

Ok so this week I went Cliff Diving.

Im usually not the kind of person to take the leap of faith and make that jump, take those kind of leaps, as much as I hate to admit it i'm a bit of a chicken when it comes to stuff like that. but when the idea came up to go I got extremely excited about running and jumping off of a cliff...no joke like I never get excited about that kind of stuff but this time I did.

So me and 5 friends went out to Lake Whitney and hiked up to these cliffs. Now let me tell you the hike itself was challenging, especially if you are like me and you have no hiked anything like that before in your life. It was narrow, if you lean one way you faceplant into the rock, and if you lean the other you fall off the side of a cliff....it was not pleasant...it was hard and challenging. Well When we got to these cliffs we looked over the edge and discussed jumping. then my friend Jacob goes and takes a running leap and just jumps off the edge of this cliff. My friend Sarah goes, "go big or go home" and follows right after him. Well I decided...Why Hesitate...so I jumped. No nerves, no thinking, no looking down, just before I gave myself time to think I jumped.

So I start thinking about this leap in terms of God. And in terms of my relationship with God. And I realized something about this leap. There are times when God gives us a cliff to jump, a mountain it seems, to overcome. So here you are with this challenge, with this task that lays in front of you. and you are standing there with your toes on the edge looking down, and all you see is nothing. You don't what you are getting yourself into you don't know how this will turn out. Your sick to your stomach your swallowing back the fear...and nothing seems to work you break a sweat you freak. So you decide to compromise with God and be like...you know God...why dont I try that little one over there first...I just think that it would be easier if I am comfortable with the smaller one and work my way up. I just don't know about the size of that leap...so you jump the little one. and because you freaked even over the little one you never get the strength to walk back up that cliff to jump the jump that God originally destined for you to jump.

This is how many people are on following Gods purpose...the road that they are walking on is challenging...the Hike is thin...the hike is scarier your right on the edge...then you make it to safety...but here you are at safety and God tells you to jump...jump off of that edge that you have been trusting him to keep you on for the walk so far...and now He tells you to jump? what...why...huh? I dont get it.

You know you hear so many people say that Gods path is not always clear, it is not always understandable...and the further you go the clearer the picture gets. On this Hike, it is filled with Trees and turns, and if you walked too slow...like me...you got to the point when your friends are around a bend and here you are all alone by yourself...just you and God...your stuck to follow footprints of those that have went before you. The Ground is slick and mud is deep...and you are unsure of where you are. all you have to follow are those footprints...so you walk, you go. you trust you are going the right way. and finally you reach the destination...you need to stop and take a breath...chill out and thank God from keeping you from falling. and then in the back of your head...you hear, trust me...JUMP...it is a scary thought im not going to lie...jumping off of something that you dont know will be 100% safe...knowing that the way that you land is the way that you realize if you'll make it or not. You watch as those ahead of you jump...its your turn...what are you going to do?

So there I was at that moment...I jumped I took the leap...and when I fell it felt as if the world was moving in slow motion...it felt as if the world was all the sudden spinning slowly...and then...CRASH...you hit your emerged under water...you begin to swim upward...your head pops up and you take that first breath...all the sudden...you are no longer the person that you were before you are someone new you are a "risk taker" you are an overcomer...you swim...something that after a hike and a jump is hard...but the muscles that the moves that you have made on this journey before have built and have made you stronger and more capable to do these things. So you swim...you make it back on the rock...back to the safety...and you climb....there is a headrush...you are so proud of your accomplishment...so you lay back and soak up the sun...when God whispers in your ear...im so proud of you...you did it.

The trust between you and God is now stronger, you now trust him with your life. you are strong you have more faith than you did before. You do it again and again...and before you know it...the fall is nothing the jump is easy...it is easy to make the leap it is easy to take the steps because...now you trust God to keep you safe...you trust those he has placed around you, you trust...You finally sit to rest and you look across the lake...and you see something...its a bigger cliff...God then tells you...I have so much for you, this is only the first of many jumps. You take a deep breath, swallow back your fear and whisper, "I'll Go"

You know Ive realized that the more that I get to know God the more that I realize that He will always keep me safe, he will Always keep me protected, but that does not mean that the road that he has me walk down will be the yellow brick road...something that all is safe, as long as i stay on the path...no he doesnt lead you down that...He will lead you down a path that instead looks rough and hard and challenging. but God doesnt intend to hurt you. God intends to build you...build the strength and the faith that you didnt even know you had.

You know I look back to when I was a kid and my grandfather would try to get me to go on the intertube...and like I said, I am a chicken, I would not do it. He used to always say, "look Hannah, I love you, I would NEVER put you on something or let you do something that would hurt you" That is the way that God is...He is never going to do something that is going to hurt us. He will never let us fall, but he wants us to build faith and swallow fear...because you see Gods word says in 2 Timothy 1:7 that He did not give us a spirit of fear but of power love and a sound mind...so He does things like this to break the fear off of us. He gives us challenges to build our power and our strength, and to make us have more faith and love him, and to be able to quiet the fear in our mind and have a sound mind to trust him more. that is what he wants.

When I got older I finally got on the intertube, and honestly I found what it was that I was afraid of...it was the point when it pulls before you are safely on top of the water...when you are halfway in the water...and the noise of the boat pulling at the beginning...that jerk that you initially feel...As I got older though I realized that you had to have that jerk...so that you would have something to overcome...the intertube and the boat work together to overcome that first step...and then you are safe...there will will be bumpy places and there will be rough patches...but you are safe...and I find that it is the same way with cliff diving...you just have to get over that first initial jump...and then you are down and then you have fallen to safety...but its not the free fall that is the scary part...its the jump...

So what are you going to do? are you going to jump? or are you going to compromise and take a smaller leap? I know that as for me...I will follow God to the fullest that I can...and just watch out below because Im about to fly.

College Lessons/Facts

So it is official i just completed my third week of classes here at CFNI. and I have blogged very very little, unlike what I promise, but not unlike what I expected...oops. So I figured I would take some time to teach you guys some amazing things that I have learned while here. You ready for this?

1. Jalapeño Cheetos are my absolute favorite thing that has ever been created
2. A Can of Pringles takes about 1 day to completely devour, mainly because i think it is fun to reach the silver metal at the bottom.
3. Everyone likes Oreos...not everyone likes Fritos
4. A small can if Tuna makes exactly 2 fairly good portioned Sandwiches
5. Buying bread can be more complicated than it looks...do i want the cheap kind or the one with the cute little girl or the one with the soccer kids? wait why does the bread have soccer kids on it...what does that have to do with bread...i like soccer...i dont like bread...maybe this bread tastes better...but that little girl is really cute...but i dont have that much money should i just get the cheap kind(yes these were my exact thoughts in doing this)
6. Sleeping in Class is really easy to do. Especially when your teacher speaks in Hebrew
7. Public School kids are the minority in Jesus school.
8. Morning Worship is necessary...it pumps you up and gets you loving Jesus like crazy right at the beginning of the day
9. Not every Lecture speaker is good, and some have funny voices...if they do dont laugh...find something to occupy your thoughts, DONT DRAW ATTENTION TO YOURSELF
10. look the teachers dead in the eye, if you dont you will get called on (this fact only works 50% of the time btw)
11. Don't EVER call yourself a failure in the presence of the staff here at CFNI, because they are AMAZING and they will take the time and stop the class to come right over to you and look you in the eye and tell you you are fantastic and you are loved. (most of these things are not personal experiences by the way...except for the food stuff...that was all me)
12. Skype is fun, but Skype makes you homesick, but Skype makes you overly happy so you continue to do it.
13. Having a pet plant is one of the best pets you could ever have.
14. when getting a pet plant make sure you know what kind of plant it is, so that you dont have to answer like me...Q: what kind of plant do you have? A: A green one?
15. Everyone finds it extremely weird that I am obsessed with Disney Princesses.
16. When Mom sends you boxes you get really weird things...like a round tuit from an exterminating company...which by the way i DID NOT GET...mom had to explain it like 20 times
17. Sidewalk Chalk is the best thing ever.
18. Doodling in class takes over all of your notes...especially if your doodles are elaborate drawings...like disney characters...but then again little doodles take over too...Whitneys notes always look like some kind of astrology map or something
19. I have a legit personality...i know i took a personality thing to find out more about myself and how to build my character for class...i cant tell you what it is because i dont remember myself what it is...but i have one
20. When living in the Ghetto going to the movies past 7 requires an ID
21. Vaccumming and talking to my roommate results in lots of laughter and finally talking to myself...because she decided to walk out of the room and see how long it would take before i realized she was gone...hmm
22. BUGS terrify Ariana...especially HUGE ones with big stingers...but they fascinate Vanessa...so therefore when you have big bugs...there is lots of screaming and tragically epic fails that should be video taped
23. Card games with Vanessa are not fun...they are torture...but i play them anyways...so she can laugh at me because i suck at them
24. When you go to get in the shower and you find shoes in the shower dont ask your roommate why because you may get an answer like..."I accidently wore them in the shower....i just forgot to take my shoes off i guess" then you are stuck in the state of laughing so hard that it takes a while for you to get ready
25. The Skin Color is the most essential color for a princess coloring book...guess what color was not in the pack of crayons that I got from my mother
26. Chapstick is necessary in Texas
27. Texas Weather is ADD...it goes from 11o to 70 like that...i snapped...then i realized you probably didnt catch that...
28. When not having TV to watch you find yourself drooling every time your near one...im not even joking...I HATE TV TOO...thats the funny thing
29. Cartoon movies make everyone happy no matter what age
30. Despicible me is a popular movie here at CFNI...just sayin
31. Writing songs about plants named fido makes everyone happy...especially when 3 part harmony to such a bizzarre song comes into play
32. LOTS OF PEOPLE PLAY BASS
33. there really are people from around where I live here! WOAH
34. Naps are good...i love them with everything in me...too bad they have to end.
35. Netti Pots still haunt me even though i am hours and hours away...grr
36. My mother is still threatening to ground me at times...and I am on my own now...how sad is that.
37. Leaving your roommate alone for the weekend results in superglued toes...dont ask we are not that sure how she did that
38. FedEx does not like to let you nap when they are wanting to give you a package...grr
39. When receiving letters from Cara...hype up the ADD in you...because she is SUPER ADD
40. God is doing something amazing here at CFNI and I am so glad that I get to sit here in the presence of these great leaders it is great what I am learning, and how i am growing so much in the Lord.
41. I miss every single one of my friends, and I hate that you guys are not here with me
42. Being far away from everyone has made me love them so much more than before.
43. I am excited to go home and see everyone. and i cant wait to tell you guys all about what I am learning in person. because i cant type it out...its just too amazing

Hope you enjoyed. I hope to blog again soon

Werent all of those fun facts fun?!?!?!? yeah...im feeling ADD

First Homesick Day

So i have officially decided that Sundays are going to be my homesick day. I don't like the idea of going to another church and having to be around new people and not be able to hug the people I know, I feel as if when I go somewhere like that somewhere that was once my place, my element, my home, is now a stranger...Its like having a best friend for years and being separated and having to reacquaint myself with that person...this is not to say that once i reacquaint myself with this friend that I will not be comfortable once again, but it is like a new chapter, something that I have to get used to.

I feel like this feeling of homesickness is Gods way of telling me to run to Him. I feel like He moved me so far so that I have no one else to run to but Him, and that is fantastic, but I would just like to mention that the separation process is not my favorite thing that I am going through.

As of right now, it doesnt matter what church I go to, its not my church...its not Judah...oh I miss Judah...It doesnt matter how big of a name the pastor is, its not my pastor. It doesnt matter how many amazing people step into my life and become my friends, they are not my best friends, they are not my family. Yes I realize this is all part of the process, this is all a part of separating myself from the things that I cling to and clinging to God and trusting Him to lead me through, but it doesnt mean I like it.

I am excited for the day when I can say that I am comfortable, but I am not there yet. But on the plus side, God has blessed me with AMAZING friends here, and great roommates, and amazing teachers and mentors. I am excited to see what these people can do to input into the training that I have had given to me from those ahead of me.

So for all of you who are reading this, I would like to tell you all that I miss you, I really truly miss everything about you guys, I miss your smiles, I miss your laughs, I miss your love, I miss your faces!!!! I am so excited to hug you all again and talk to you. im just sayin

i would mainly like to end this with saying that God is great, and no matter how i may currently feel, i know that my God is bigger and my God is greater than anything else in the world and that he is going to do great things and teach me huge things here. I would like to praise God for the friends that he has already given me and the things that he is teaching me already in this school.

First week is over

It is official I am done with my first week of school. Things have been crazy hectic, but at the same time it has been a lot of fun. I have enjoyed time meeting new people and making new friends...although I have not much enjoyed the Cafeteria...I am loving some of my classes and some of my teachers. I am so excited to find out everything that is going to come and happen over the next few weeks.

The most important thing that I have learned this week though is keeping up my relationship with God...about every teacher I have had, and everyone has spoken has spent some amount of time talking to us about this. the guy today talked about how in Leviticus 24:1-3 it talks about the lamp for the temple and how it should be taken care of each day. He also talked about how our bodies are the temple of God, and how as a child of God we need to take care of our light that shines for God. He talked about how if we neglect to take care of the lamp that is burning within us we make a shift in our ministry from ministry based on holy spirit fire, to ministry based on the strength of our flesh. It was really good.

the lecture speaker for this week, Mike Haman, talked about when he was in college he was in a long distance relationship with who is now his wife, and he talked about when this was going on they did not have all the technology that we have not so because of that, they had to talk to each other by snail mail. He said when this happened, he would get a letter from her and he would just sit and read it, and was falling completely head over heels in love with her. He said that even though he could not see her face to face or hear her voice, he was still getting to know her and fall in love with her. He said that the bible is God's love story to us and we should spend time reading it and getting to know him and fall in love with him just the way that he fell in love with his wife, he also talked about how could we love someone if we did not know them...how can we really love them? He talked about how to get to know God we need to read our word...

I really liked all the teaching on this this week, and I like that all of the teachers here really find it necessary that we as students jump into what God has for us and what we are going to do, but they want us to seek God and run after Him for ourselves, they are not wanting or going to find every way to make it easy for us. I know that this is going to be challenging, but I really feel that If we as students seek after God and run after Him for ourselves we will be closer and respect Him more. I feel like in my generation we are loosing what it is that God wants for us because there are so many things and times that we get lazy and just let everyone else do it for us, we let everyone else tell us about God and how we should hold a relationship with him but we do not take the time to seek after him for ourselves. So I really really respect CFNI for not making this easy but instead making it something that is going to be challenging and something that is going to be more difficult that just listening to everyone else and what they say to do. we need to let Gods word speak to us and tell us things about ourselves and interpret things about God that we would not be able to take in or grasp when we are just listening to everyone else's opinions.

I think that the reason that things here at CFNI are so amazing is because each of the students have to do this and are required to do this. this is not to go without saying that there are things that are not normal and not usual actions for people this day and age. but for those that seek God and follow God the way that is wanted for here at CFNI makes the spirit of God rain down like crazy here, and so many amazing things happen here as a result of that.

I think that as Christians everyone should take the time to really really get to know God. I think it is amazing training for what God wants in all of us. it is his desire to get to know us, and love us and do amazing things for us, so why shouldnt we take the time to do that for him?

First day of school...wheres my jedi lunchbox?!?!?!

So this is the beginning of actual in school blogs, this is the beginning of the slowing down with posting...this is the beginning of the rest of my life...here we go...

Yesterday was opening rally, I got up and hung out with my roommates, then three of the four of us went to lunch, then we all headed back to the room, when we got to the room we chilled for a bit then we reluctantly got ready and headed to open rally...EXCITEMENT. Once we got there I kinda just chilled out...dont really know anyone...then Michelle and her husband came over to talk to me and sit with me, we joked for a bit and talked a little...then it was time to start...amazing worship began and there i was standing in the presence of God...phenomenal...Pastor Adam then came up and preached...his sermon was about how we needed to be more like Jesus and about how CFNI's mission was to empower us to be able to seek and to save...it was great! so excited

after that we came back to the dorm and I hung out with Vanessa and watched Surf live...then toward the end of surf i got off and went outside to hang out with some people...had a blast...even though none of us knew what we were doing so therefore we were playing about 20 different games and at the end i came up to my room and i was completely confused because none of us knew what we were doing...about the time i got to my room i received a call from the oh so amazing Nikki Miller (who i miss so bad it is ridiculous) anyways, then i hung out with Vanessa and Bernise (i have no idea how to spell her name...close enough) and then i talked to mom and gaggi and took a shower...woopwoop...then i layed on my bed and Ariana walked in and was crazy, so me and her bothered Vanessa a bit...go figure...and then we actually went to sleep...

woke up at 7...Oh My GOSH...crazy i know...got dressed (dressy clothes =0)...and went to chapel...which was amazing...hung out with Michelle a little this morning...then everyone left me (Ariana, Michelle, and Vanessa) so i moved over and sat beside my amazing friend Sarah...through all of our classes...which were BORING...well the first two...then we had our lecture...the dude who taught our lecture was AMAZING...he talked about how the best way for Satan to come in is through our lack of knowledge of the scripture...it was fantastic

then we had lunch, and Sarah and I decided we wanted to go see despicible me...so we found this theater that had movies for like 4 something per movie...and then the 2.50 for 3d glasses...but we got there for a matinée so therefore it was only like 5.50 for everything (be excited for me) anyways i laughed so hard...but it really really made me miss Emily and Nikki...just sayin...but it was awesome and fantastic...then i got back to my room and ended up hanging out with Vanessa and Ariana and taught them nertz...which Ariana was really good at...kinda like me...if that explains anything...anyways then Vanessa taught me a game called spit...and in the middle of one of the rounds she randomly throws a card at me...well then i threw one back at her...so next thing i knew i we were in an all out card war...i even had to pull out my bicycle helmet...we laughed so hard.

anyways then we chilled out a little bit...and now i am just sitting here talking with my roommates...eh...ill blog again later...peace

More and More Updates

Ok so I am here...I have moved again, but I have met my roommate.

I have gone to orientation and I am beginning to make some crazy decisions...

I arrived back at CFNI at about 2 on tuesday to find that both of my roommates were still not there and had not arrived yet...mom goes to talk to the assistant dean of womens and we discover that both of my roomates are infact Koreans, which is not a problem, but I would have been all alone and I would have been the one and only English speaking person...which would really stink.

S0 despite my arguments mother proceeds to get me another dorm...the person who I am rooming with everyone is like YOU WILL LOVE HER!!! so excitement is in the air...I walk in and one of the girls that was living here was moving out to become an RA and she was very nice and said all great things about the roommate I would be staying with just like everyone else did.

She never shows up...which isnt a big deal because I have to get set up and get comfortable, We then go to walmart and get back around 9:3o and she is still not here...no biggie still had things to get done and everyone had told me she was working...get everything finished...about 10:3o my parents leave me alone...so I go to my bed and I write...about the time I finish what I was writing it is about 11:50-12ish...and she walks in the door...we get to talking a while and I realize I really really like her she is very nice and very chill but not super girly and laid back to the full extent.

We talk for a while and then we head to bed...about 7:30 this morning I am awakened by the loud clash of the trash being emptied outside my room...so I sit up and go get ready...about 8:30 I leave my room and head to orientation...when I get there I meet my friend Michele who is also living in this area...excitement...for about 2 hours we listen to everyone talk...and then we go to lunch and come back for Music Orientation...made some big decisions concerning worship band...I dont think I am going to join, the only reason for this is I feel like I need to make the decision and move to push myself out of my comfort zone...and If I am going to go into youth ministry...mayb then I need to learn to be more outgoing...so i am pushing myself out of music which is where I am most comfortable and I am going to try out for the drama team for a thing called remnant...which is something I have also been very involved in...and hopefully I will like and I will make the team if not I am going to try out for their music team...

I just feel like if am a part of a traveling team then I will be able to better get out of my shell and get to know people better...I just think that God is wanting me to try something that is out of what I am comfortable doing...also I feel like by joining a CFNI team I am required to do and be so much...which I can do and I can step up to the challenge, but I feel as if I need to take my first semester to worry about my relationship with God and getting closer to Him

None of this is set in stone this is just my current thoughts on life and no decision is completely made...but please stand in faith with me as I make decisions...Encounter Retreat tomorrow and I am so very excited to see what God is about to do =] Blog again Saturday...wont have time time tomorrow or friday

no revelations...just updates...

So today has been very interesting, so i figured i would take the time to let everyone know what is going on...

Today was the day I checked into CFNI...I got my address I got registered...I found out what classes I will be taking, When CFNI is holding their Job Fair, etc. etc. etc. anyways...heres my amazing stories...this morning i woke up and got ready...i didnt really want to wake up but i did...and mom came into Tori's room and cried...for amazingly one of the only times she did all day long...AMAZING anyways. we got going and i took a shower...which once again was AMAZING...and got ready and left...it was about 96 in Dallas today but it felt like 103...which amazingly i thought was fantastic...anyways I got going and we went in the room and got all my information the picture taken for my badge rooming assignment then we had to go to another area and work on financial stuff and housing...great huh? so we hop in a CFNI van being driven by none other than my admissions advisor Ryan (the guy of which mother believes needs to know EVERY small accomplishment i make at CFNI or on the way...although i dont think he cares that much...side note just sayin) anyways, as we drive mom is like WOAH what a small world...apparently she didnt realize it was a small college and EVERYONE knows eachother...just sayin...anyways we get financial stuff taken care of which was really cool and mom found a cry buddy...great...then we went into housing, got my keys, headed to the library, registered (that was an adventure), went back to housing and got my badge and meal plan ticket thing.

Now easy enough huh? little to no problems right? yeah right this is the Miller Family and my mother is her mothers child...so going without complications is like not heard of.

Get to my room...its got like banners and everything, really weird...start taking my stuff into the room...happy getting settled, walk out to door to grab more stuff and the dean of womens comes up and she is like "im so glad your getting yourself settled which room are you in" so we told her and she was like umm...thats not going to work, that is an RA's room so therefore you will not be able to stay there. then she proceeds to inform us that this is the second time they have assigned someone to that room today (made me feel a little better but not much) so we move all of my stuff out again...let me back up and remind you it feels like 103 degrees outside, my feelings of man this feels great were tossed out the window when we are having to carry heavy boxes and stuff up and down stairs in this WONDERFUL weather...anyways...we sit and wait, and go into Lydia's room who is another RA and she and her roommate sat and talked to us and babbled, it was all good...anyways. went out to check on dad with my bike (another story for another time...if you know this story now is the time to giggle to yourself) as soon as I go out there, the dean of womens comes up to me and is like you are being moved in the same apartment area, but unfortunately you are going to have to bring your stuff downstairs then walk across and then back upstairs...so we did this...which took FOREVER and when we get to my room finally we realize the airconditioning is off and my room is roommate-less...unfortunately

So I decide ok lets make the bed...great idea huh...top bunk...no airconditioning...so i get making it and realize that i am sweating so bad that my jeans are stuck to my leg about this time I get mad...I am aggrivated because I have no roommate I am aggrivated because it is hot I am aggrivated because I dont like this day very much so I start yelling at my mother and I inform her that I am mad, actually I am pissed (it is the first time i have said it in days so give me a break) and I yell and yell and tell her that I love this school but I am upset and I cant express how upset I am because I am at stupid Jesus school...she begins to laugh at me...and i get madder...go figure, anyways. i start to cool down mainly because my father comes in the room with a cold coke from mcdonalds...so i hurry and make the bed and sit on top bunk with my feet hanging off the side and smile...so here I am...I start to unpack my closet, great...i like this.

it gets about 8 so we go get dinner...i still have not met my roommates...finish. go get some basic stuff go back...no roommates, here I am fixing my room and I am all alone once again...so I finish and yell at my parents and tell them I am going back with them to the Elenburgs, because I do not want to spend my first night on my one alone...terrible...so here I am...in the car...with my parents heading back...

Great things are about to happen but please pray that I get one more roommate, that can be my friend, and pray that I will like my roommates...please pray for this for me, because I am still a little bit upset about this...anyways I love you guys

Blog again soon

-Hannah

Stories from the road...and thats no bull

ok so its about time to get back on the road and i decided to blog a quick blog that actually has to do with what is going on on this trip.

So yesterday morning we left early...it wasn't the best morning I cried, although it was a weird cry, yes I was very upset that we were leaving but at the same time I was operating on 3 hours of sleep and all I could think of is once we get on the road and in the truck I can lay down and go back to sleep, so I was so ready to go it was ridiculous, and I could not wait...Which now that I look back it was probably a good thing that I was so eager to go, because if I wasnt I would have attached myself to something in my house and my parents would have been forced to pull me out, which knowing the way that my mother has been acting she wouldnt have tried and I wouldnt have went, so it was a good way to say goodbye for me.

We got on the road and nothing really eventful happened, we got going and I slept all the way from Bristol to Knoxville...woke up because my dad had to ask me a question about breakfast, and if you really know me you know that I do not substitute sleeping in for breakfast, I will just not eat, because I am happier if I get extra sleep, so I told them no, and then I told them no again, and then I rolled over on my face and shook my head no until they just let me be...When we got back on the road again, I finally fell back asleep, and just the time that my mind had stopped wandering and started dreaming my mother screams bloody murder...I jumped up our of my sleep and dad jumped and screamed at mom...and mom was like, oh I didn't mean to get you guys worried, something just jumped out in this movie. CRAP! I was awake again, so I decide to sit up and look at my phone...Nikki text me, Emily text me...it was early I forgot...battery power? yellow...not dead...close enough...I text back and said I was going back to sleep phone needed to charge...HALLELUJAH...plugged up my phone went back to sleep...woke up at 11 on the dot...ok so another weird Hannah thing all summer long I have been awake at 11 on the dot...every day. no matter what time I go to bed, that is what time I can talk myself into waking up...and I can not go back to bed past then...it just doesnt happen...so I was awake...apparently everyone else got the revelation that I woke up at 11 because just about the time I sat up my phone went off about 7 times...it made me giggle.

Nothing much happened other than text conversations, Nikki Skyped me and I could not speak back to her because I had headphones in that did not have a microphone...stupid headphone jack had to pick one or the other, but you couldnt have both unless you were amazing...So she got off, and I became amazing, we went to lunch and to walmart and I got a new pair of headphones lol...got back in the car and drove and drove and drove and started to watch a movie, got a text demanding me to get on Skype...bossy people...anyways talked to Emily and Nikki as we went over the Mississippi River and then we drove and we drove and we drove and we went into Arkansas and drove and drove and drove and made it to Little Rock and passed the Hotel that Mom wanted to stay at so we turned around and went back and we got to the exit, and the GPS took us straight to Home Depot...yay! Home Depot!!! so we put the address in again and it took us around this crazy route, and when we got to our destination we made it back to the Home Depot, then we did it again, and guess what we were at the Home Depot!!! yay yay yay yay yay yay yay!!!!!! so we called the Hotel and guess what they got us there, no pool...boo! so then we went to Applebees, and we talked and we laughed and spent time as a family...

then we got back and I took a shower...I loved that shower...it was a good shower...I was excited about taking a shower...incase you were wondering. then i got on facebook, talked to some people and about 11 me and mom decided to lay on my bed and watch a move which we did not make it through...

Nothing seriously eventful has happened on this trip so far, but maybe it will today, I will inform you of any excitement...planning on watching Surf online tonight...if I can, but I am not 100% sure I will be able too...Skype is good if you want to talk to me =] Have a great Sunday I Love you guys so much...Texas Tonight...oh and by the way where I will be staying has no cellular service so from the time I arrive until the time I leave to head to CFNI I may not be able to talk to you guys other than Skype or Facebook...Just informing you ...Love ya and I miss you guys so bad already, I am hating that I am not sitting in an amazing service at Judah Church right now, but know that my heart is with you guys and I love you guys so much....anyways talk to you later

Hannah

Hello My name is Nemo

So here I am...in Arkansas...it has been a journey today, it has been the first step taken to the rest of my life.

Here I am, I am Nemo...I am occupying a space that I do not know. I am moving out of my comfort zone in search of something bigger. I am just a kid, yes I am, but so was Jeremiah, so was David...and as I remind myself of this I feel the comfort of my savior fill my soul.

My day today has been very cartoon oriented I woke up thinking Nemo...I got a new nickname Hammy (thanks a lot Nikki and Emily I hate it so much lol) which lead to thinking of toystory...which also lead to thinking of Toy Story 3...and the goodbyes...which is technically what I am doing right now...I have driven through the roads of Arkansas (which are very very very bumpy) and I am thinking Cars and Mater and....im the first to drive on the new road!!! lol I feel like a child today I am uncomfortable in the while resting in the comfort of my heavenly father...I am insecure but at the same time I am filled with a whole new security and strength just because I am stepping out into the great unknown. (fievel goes west...ok i think i am done) and as I sit here I think of all of these childhood characters that I have always cherished...and there is something cool that I thought of when I thought of each of them...all of them stepped out of their comfort zone, whether by choice or forced they took that step they made that leap of faith...in Toy Story 2 Woody and Jessie had to jump out of the airplane...something that as small toys was very intimidating, but if they did not take that jump if they did not make that leap, they would have been in the museum doing nothing for the rest of their lives, but they made that jump and because of that Woody got to go home and Jessie was once again in a home where she was loved...If Cinderella did not go to the ball, somewhere where she was not allowed and somewhere that was not in her comfort zone, she wouldnt have lost her shoe she would have never became a princess...if Mulan wouldnt have taken up for her father and her family and left the place where she knew, where she was supposed to be, where she was comfortable, she wouldnt have saved her country...so here I am...I am not comfortable Texas is not my comfort zone, but how can I have the happy ending God wants me to have if I dont take the leap of faith...so here I am I sit here and I am uncomfortable, I am upset, I am homesick, I want to cry, but just like the characters that have been most cherished in my childhood, I am going to take the leap of faith...it is time to claim my happy ending it is time to make the step that begins the journey of the rest of my life.

Now here I am back at Nemo...Nemo took the largest Journey at all, he was just a small clownfish who could not even be himself own in his family, because of his fathers fear, but in bad circumstances, he was taken from where he wanted to be...but even though he would fret, he held faith in those that he loved, and by his leap of faith, the chains and boundaries were lifted off those who he loved the most, because his father, of whom he loved the most was able to swim across the sea to find his son, and as he went on a search to find his son he found faith...and on his way, he met Dory, someone who did not even know who she was in the world, someone who didnt know even where she was, found herself, felt love, found a family when she didnt feel as if she fit...

So here I am...I am Nemo...I am going to take this leap, and as I leap, I am excited to see those that I love follow behind, and do the same and reach their full potential in God...and then I am excited to see those who they meet on their journey doing the same thing...So here I go...im taking the leap...im jumping...CANONBALL!!!!!!!!!!

Love Ya

-Hannah

If only the brakes would work...I may not reach what God wants

I sit here in my room crying after two of my best friends in the whole world have left me. I feel like my life is rushing, this is the week I leave, actually I have one whole day left in my home town, I feel like I have been running some kind of race to grow up, and now that i'm here my brakes are broken. When I want it to stop when I want to throw my hands in the air and yell,"God just give me more time, give me time to let them know I love them...why does this have to be the end?" This summer has been one of the best summers of my life, it has been something new and exciting and interesting. I have met some of the most amazing people, and I just found myself questioning God...Why would you give me the friends I have always prayed for right when I leave? Why would you teach me so many things I want to show to those I love when I am going to leave them? why why why?!?!?!? i feel like some five year old that just wants to throw my hands in the air and jump up and down and cry and pout and scream...I just dont understand I want to lock myself in a room and cry i want to punch walls I just dont understand why God is doing all of this now...and God began to speak...

God shows me as I sit here crying that if he would have let me have the brakes I would have stopped. I would have become complacent, I would not reach my full potential of what He wants for me. I begin to settle, and thank God for taking the brakes off when I feel like I need them but I don't...so I decided to blog...I went to my profile on facebook and I clicked on the blog site and the first song that begins to play on my blog profile is Absolutely by Starfield...as I listen to that song I begin to weep...I just sat and listened to it...God began to remind me of a couple weeks ago when I was praying about my future and stressing about the rules at CFNI. I was praying and I was crying out and as I prayed I began saying..."God I love you more than skulls, God I love you more than comfort, God I love you more than Glee, God I love you more than I love my friends, God I love you more than..."

Last night in my last youth service I sang absolutely and before I sang it I talked about how that song was my heart cry and how I wanted every breath that I breathed to be consumed by Him, I wanted everything in me to be about Him because I love him I love him more than life itself, because if it were not for Him I would not have any of it. I began crying and I told God I was so sorry for getting angry I was so sorry for not trusting him. and God told me, that the reason he brought the people into my life that he brought into my life this summer is because He wanted me to know that I was not alone, He brought me the friends that would be here when I came home, he brought me the people that would cry with me and would pray for me, He brought me the friends that will be in my life forever..He brought them in my life to show me love to show me He loved me, He brought them in my life to teach me how to break down my walls I have built and how to really love people...He brought them in my life to help me to grow up. and because they are God sent, He showed me they will be there when I feel all alone.

So now I sit here and I praise God, I thank God my creator and my father and my friend for giving me the things that will last, the taste of sincere love, showing me how to love others like He loves me...So to you that may be reading this, I want you to know that I may seem like I have it all together sometimes and I may seem like I dont question things, but I do, and I fight, I want you guys to know that I will continue to fight for what He wants for me and follow my purpose, I will not be stopping to get my brakes fixed, because if I take the time to do that I will use them, and when I am going down the path that God wants me going down, I dont need them to be used. I need to go full speed after Him...I will follow my savior until the day I die...and I thank Him for giving me the revelation that He gave me today...


Romans 8:28--all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose

Love You Guys So Much
-Hannah

"there's a cry in my heart
for your glory to fall
for your presence to fill up my senses...
for what do I have if I don't have you Jesus
What in this life could mean anymore?"
-Starfield

God Shines Despite My Chaos

Here recently I have been in this state of stress. It isn't a bad thing, but it has began to hit me that I am growing up, I am beginning to become an adult, and it is hard to realize that all my life I have been rushing around trying to be older, trying to be wiser, trying to fit in, and I have ran and ran and ran, and even though I have taken moments to sight see, not much time was taken to slow down and understand that I don't need to rush so much. But here recently it is like the brakes are broken, and all I want to do is just stop...but despite my wishes, I cannot be Peter Pan, and I have to grow up now.

Recently I have not been the only one to realize that I am growing up, I have not been the only one to realize that I am leaving. So to say the least, all of the people who love me and who I love, want to spend time with me. I am currently being pulled in 300 different directions, by everyone that I love. It has been really really harsh too. It's been overwhelming to look at the calender and see that it is full up until the day I leave, it is hard to see the people that I love having to deal with how little time I have to give them, it's been like a rush of chaos. To be completely honest it has been stressing me out MAJOR!!!! I am kinda stuck between the state of wanting to pull my hair out, and the state of just sitting and crying.

I hate to say, but even though I am going full fledge into what God wants, I feel myself start to get tired, and get worn out, and forget to spend the time with him that I want to, and that more than anything else is bothering me. It is like I am on a call with God and I keep transferring over to another call, or a text, and even though I am still walking and talking with God, I am missing some of what I need to be getting because I keep having to leave for a few seconds.

But today, God caught me off guard, he caught me in the middle of my chaos, and showed me that he is still God and that he still has me in his hands, even though I feel like i'm going so fast, and thinking that maybe there is a possibility that I am just hearing him wrong.today, as I was getting ready for my friends, Emily and Nikki, to come over, and I was cleaning my room, I found something I have not seen in about 4 years...I was probably an 8th grader, or a freshman the last time I saw this (I do not have the date...so i'm figuring thats around when I saw it last)...it was this orange folder, nothing special, but on the top of it in black was my handwriting which read, my spiritual goals...I was astonished that I had found this, freaked me out actually...so much that I could not open it immediately, I think it was the fear of if I had met those goals...finally I swallowed hard, and I opened it.

I read each of these, and I realized what God had accomplished through me in the past few years, about 4/5ths of those goals have been met...It was a rush of emotion, it was crazy to think of the things that I had asked God to do.

The funny thing is, back then I was set on going to China, I wanted to be a missionary there, and as I have grown older, I have realized that God wants me to go into worship and youth ministry...EVERYTHING in that book is filled with things about youth, and worship...and that wasn't even what I wanted to do...that wasn't what I thought my calling was, but God knew as I typed those papers, God knew...That astonishes me...I could not believe some of the things that I had said...i'll tell you a few of them that have been answered (actually as they were written)

-First and most importantly to have what God wants for me and not to rely on myself (Matthew 6:33)
-I Want to experience the limits and boundaries lifted off my worship (theres more to this but I don't want to type it all)
-I want to be able to play the guitar and flow

the one that stood out the most to me though was this

-I want to see God's Revolution take place, see the youth jump out and praise God like never before

This is what made me realize, that God is going to do amazing things. It made me realize that I am making the right decision, it made me realize that I am ok. and Even though the stress is overwhelming, look at what he did in four years when I was just a kid and I didn't know what I wanted in life. What is he going to do when I am running after what he wants me to do.

Thats pretty much all I have to say for tonight. Love Ya Mean It!

-Hannah