First Homesick Day

So i have officially decided that Sundays are going to be my homesick day. I don't like the idea of going to another church and having to be around new people and not be able to hug the people I know, I feel as if when I go somewhere like that somewhere that was once my place, my element, my home, is now a stranger...Its like having a best friend for years and being separated and having to reacquaint myself with that person...this is not to say that once i reacquaint myself with this friend that I will not be comfortable once again, but it is like a new chapter, something that I have to get used to.

I feel like this feeling of homesickness is Gods way of telling me to run to Him. I feel like He moved me so far so that I have no one else to run to but Him, and that is fantastic, but I would just like to mention that the separation process is not my favorite thing that I am going through.

As of right now, it doesnt matter what church I go to, its not my church...its not Judah...oh I miss Judah...It doesnt matter how big of a name the pastor is, its not my pastor. It doesnt matter how many amazing people step into my life and become my friends, they are not my best friends, they are not my family. Yes I realize this is all part of the process, this is all a part of separating myself from the things that I cling to and clinging to God and trusting Him to lead me through, but it doesnt mean I like it.

I am excited for the day when I can say that I am comfortable, but I am not there yet. But on the plus side, God has blessed me with AMAZING friends here, and great roommates, and amazing teachers and mentors. I am excited to see what these people can do to input into the training that I have had given to me from those ahead of me.

So for all of you who are reading this, I would like to tell you all that I miss you, I really truly miss everything about you guys, I miss your smiles, I miss your laughs, I miss your love, I miss your faces!!!! I am so excited to hug you all again and talk to you. im just sayin

i would mainly like to end this with saying that God is great, and no matter how i may currently feel, i know that my God is bigger and my God is greater than anything else in the world and that he is going to do great things and teach me huge things here. I would like to praise God for the friends that he has already given me and the things that he is teaching me already in this school.

First week is over

It is official I am done with my first week of school. Things have been crazy hectic, but at the same time it has been a lot of fun. I have enjoyed time meeting new people and making new friends...although I have not much enjoyed the Cafeteria...I am loving some of my classes and some of my teachers. I am so excited to find out everything that is going to come and happen over the next few weeks.

The most important thing that I have learned this week though is keeping up my relationship with God...about every teacher I have had, and everyone has spoken has spent some amount of time talking to us about this. the guy today talked about how in Leviticus 24:1-3 it talks about the lamp for the temple and how it should be taken care of each day. He also talked about how our bodies are the temple of God, and how as a child of God we need to take care of our light that shines for God. He talked about how if we neglect to take care of the lamp that is burning within us we make a shift in our ministry from ministry based on holy spirit fire, to ministry based on the strength of our flesh. It was really good.

the lecture speaker for this week, Mike Haman, talked about when he was in college he was in a long distance relationship with who is now his wife, and he talked about when this was going on they did not have all the technology that we have not so because of that, they had to talk to each other by snail mail. He said when this happened, he would get a letter from her and he would just sit and read it, and was falling completely head over heels in love with her. He said that even though he could not see her face to face or hear her voice, he was still getting to know her and fall in love with her. He said that the bible is God's love story to us and we should spend time reading it and getting to know him and fall in love with him just the way that he fell in love with his wife, he also talked about how could we love someone if we did not know them...how can we really love them? He talked about how to get to know God we need to read our word...

I really liked all the teaching on this this week, and I like that all of the teachers here really find it necessary that we as students jump into what God has for us and what we are going to do, but they want us to seek God and run after Him for ourselves, they are not wanting or going to find every way to make it easy for us. I know that this is going to be challenging, but I really feel that If we as students seek after God and run after Him for ourselves we will be closer and respect Him more. I feel like in my generation we are loosing what it is that God wants for us because there are so many things and times that we get lazy and just let everyone else do it for us, we let everyone else tell us about God and how we should hold a relationship with him but we do not take the time to seek after him for ourselves. So I really really respect CFNI for not making this easy but instead making it something that is going to be challenging and something that is going to be more difficult that just listening to everyone else and what they say to do. we need to let Gods word speak to us and tell us things about ourselves and interpret things about God that we would not be able to take in or grasp when we are just listening to everyone else's opinions.

I think that the reason that things here at CFNI are so amazing is because each of the students have to do this and are required to do this. this is not to go without saying that there are things that are not normal and not usual actions for people this day and age. but for those that seek God and follow God the way that is wanted for here at CFNI makes the spirit of God rain down like crazy here, and so many amazing things happen here as a result of that.

I think that as Christians everyone should take the time to really really get to know God. I think it is amazing training for what God wants in all of us. it is his desire to get to know us, and love us and do amazing things for us, so why shouldnt we take the time to do that for him?

First day of school...wheres my jedi lunchbox?!?!?!

So this is the beginning of actual in school blogs, this is the beginning of the slowing down with posting...this is the beginning of the rest of my life...here we go...

Yesterday was opening rally, I got up and hung out with my roommates, then three of the four of us went to lunch, then we all headed back to the room, when we got to the room we chilled for a bit then we reluctantly got ready and headed to open rally...EXCITEMENT. Once we got there I kinda just chilled out...dont really know anyone...then Michelle and her husband came over to talk to me and sit with me, we joked for a bit and talked a little...then it was time to start...amazing worship began and there i was standing in the presence of God...phenomenal...Pastor Adam then came up and preached...his sermon was about how we needed to be more like Jesus and about how CFNI's mission was to empower us to be able to seek and to save...it was great! so excited

after that we came back to the dorm and I hung out with Vanessa and watched Surf live...then toward the end of surf i got off and went outside to hang out with some people...had a blast...even though none of us knew what we were doing so therefore we were playing about 20 different games and at the end i came up to my room and i was completely confused because none of us knew what we were doing...about the time i got to my room i received a call from the oh so amazing Nikki Miller (who i miss so bad it is ridiculous) anyways, then i hung out with Vanessa and Bernise (i have no idea how to spell her name...close enough) and then i talked to mom and gaggi and took a shower...woopwoop...then i layed on my bed and Ariana walked in and was crazy, so me and her bothered Vanessa a bit...go figure...and then we actually went to sleep...

woke up at 7...Oh My GOSH...crazy i know...got dressed (dressy clothes =0)...and went to chapel...which was amazing...hung out with Michelle a little this morning...then everyone left me (Ariana, Michelle, and Vanessa) so i moved over and sat beside my amazing friend Sarah...through all of our classes...which were BORING...well the first two...then we had our lecture...the dude who taught our lecture was AMAZING...he talked about how the best way for Satan to come in is through our lack of knowledge of the scripture...it was fantastic

then we had lunch, and Sarah and I decided we wanted to go see despicible me...so we found this theater that had movies for like 4 something per movie...and then the 2.50 for 3d glasses...but we got there for a matinée so therefore it was only like 5.50 for everything (be excited for me) anyways i laughed so hard...but it really really made me miss Emily and Nikki...just sayin...but it was awesome and fantastic...then i got back to my room and ended up hanging out with Vanessa and Ariana and taught them nertz...which Ariana was really good at...kinda like me...if that explains anything...anyways then Vanessa taught me a game called spit...and in the middle of one of the rounds she randomly throws a card at me...well then i threw one back at her...so next thing i knew i we were in an all out card war...i even had to pull out my bicycle helmet...we laughed so hard.

anyways then we chilled out a little bit...and now i am just sitting here talking with my roommates...eh...ill blog again later...peace

More and More Updates

Ok so I am here...I have moved again, but I have met my roommate.

I have gone to orientation and I am beginning to make some crazy decisions...

I arrived back at CFNI at about 2 on tuesday to find that both of my roommates were still not there and had not arrived yet...mom goes to talk to the assistant dean of womens and we discover that both of my roomates are infact Koreans, which is not a problem, but I would have been all alone and I would have been the one and only English speaking person...which would really stink.

S0 despite my arguments mother proceeds to get me another dorm...the person who I am rooming with everyone is like YOU WILL LOVE HER!!! so excitement is in the air...I walk in and one of the girls that was living here was moving out to become an RA and she was very nice and said all great things about the roommate I would be staying with just like everyone else did.

She never shows up...which isnt a big deal because I have to get set up and get comfortable, We then go to walmart and get back around 9:3o and she is still not here...no biggie still had things to get done and everyone had told me she was working...get everything finished...about 10:3o my parents leave me alone...so I go to my bed and I write...about the time I finish what I was writing it is about 11:50-12ish...and she walks in the door...we get to talking a while and I realize I really really like her she is very nice and very chill but not super girly and laid back to the full extent.

We talk for a while and then we head to bed...about 7:30 this morning I am awakened by the loud clash of the trash being emptied outside my room...so I sit up and go get ready...about 8:30 I leave my room and head to orientation...when I get there I meet my friend Michele who is also living in this area...excitement...for about 2 hours we listen to everyone talk...and then we go to lunch and come back for Music Orientation...made some big decisions concerning worship band...I dont think I am going to join, the only reason for this is I feel like I need to make the decision and move to push myself out of my comfort zone...and If I am going to go into youth ministry...mayb then I need to learn to be more outgoing...so i am pushing myself out of music which is where I am most comfortable and I am going to try out for the drama team for a thing called remnant...which is something I have also been very involved in...and hopefully I will like and I will make the team if not I am going to try out for their music team...

I just feel like if am a part of a traveling team then I will be able to better get out of my shell and get to know people better...I just think that God is wanting me to try something that is out of what I am comfortable doing...also I feel like by joining a CFNI team I am required to do and be so much...which I can do and I can step up to the challenge, but I feel as if I need to take my first semester to worry about my relationship with God and getting closer to Him

None of this is set in stone this is just my current thoughts on life and no decision is completely made...but please stand in faith with me as I make decisions...Encounter Retreat tomorrow and I am so very excited to see what God is about to do =] Blog again Saturday...wont have time time tomorrow or friday

no revelations...just updates...

So today has been very interesting, so i figured i would take the time to let everyone know what is going on...

Today was the day I checked into CFNI...I got my address I got registered...I found out what classes I will be taking, When CFNI is holding their Job Fair, etc. etc. etc. anyways...heres my amazing stories...this morning i woke up and got ready...i didnt really want to wake up but i did...and mom came into Tori's room and cried...for amazingly one of the only times she did all day long...AMAZING anyways. we got going and i took a shower...which once again was AMAZING...and got ready and left...it was about 96 in Dallas today but it felt like 103...which amazingly i thought was fantastic...anyways I got going and we went in the room and got all my information the picture taken for my badge rooming assignment then we had to go to another area and work on financial stuff and housing...great huh? so we hop in a CFNI van being driven by none other than my admissions advisor Ryan (the guy of which mother believes needs to know EVERY small accomplishment i make at CFNI or on the way...although i dont think he cares that much...side note just sayin) anyways, as we drive mom is like WOAH what a small world...apparently she didnt realize it was a small college and EVERYONE knows eachother...just sayin...anyways we get financial stuff taken care of which was really cool and mom found a cry buddy...great...then we went into housing, got my keys, headed to the library, registered (that was an adventure), went back to housing and got my badge and meal plan ticket thing.

Now easy enough huh? little to no problems right? yeah right this is the Miller Family and my mother is her mothers child...so going without complications is like not heard of.

Get to my room...its got like banners and everything, really weird...start taking my stuff into the room...happy getting settled, walk out to door to grab more stuff and the dean of womens comes up and she is like "im so glad your getting yourself settled which room are you in" so we told her and she was like umm...thats not going to work, that is an RA's room so therefore you will not be able to stay there. then she proceeds to inform us that this is the second time they have assigned someone to that room today (made me feel a little better but not much) so we move all of my stuff out again...let me back up and remind you it feels like 103 degrees outside, my feelings of man this feels great were tossed out the window when we are having to carry heavy boxes and stuff up and down stairs in this WONDERFUL weather...anyways...we sit and wait, and go into Lydia's room who is another RA and she and her roommate sat and talked to us and babbled, it was all good...anyways. went out to check on dad with my bike (another story for another time...if you know this story now is the time to giggle to yourself) as soon as I go out there, the dean of womens comes up to me and is like you are being moved in the same apartment area, but unfortunately you are going to have to bring your stuff downstairs then walk across and then back upstairs...so we did this...which took FOREVER and when we get to my room finally we realize the airconditioning is off and my room is roommate-less...unfortunately

So I decide ok lets make the bed...great idea huh...top bunk...no airconditioning...so i get making it and realize that i am sweating so bad that my jeans are stuck to my leg about this time I get mad...I am aggrivated because I have no roommate I am aggrivated because it is hot I am aggrivated because I dont like this day very much so I start yelling at my mother and I inform her that I am mad, actually I am pissed (it is the first time i have said it in days so give me a break) and I yell and yell and tell her that I love this school but I am upset and I cant express how upset I am because I am at stupid Jesus school...she begins to laugh at me...and i get madder...go figure, anyways. i start to cool down mainly because my father comes in the room with a cold coke from mcdonalds...so i hurry and make the bed and sit on top bunk with my feet hanging off the side and smile...so here I am...I start to unpack my closet, great...i like this.

it gets about 8 so we go get dinner...i still have not met my roommates...finish. go get some basic stuff go back...no roommates, here I am fixing my room and I am all alone once again...so I finish and yell at my parents and tell them I am going back with them to the Elenburgs, because I do not want to spend my first night on my one alone...terrible...so here I am...in the car...with my parents heading back...

Great things are about to happen but please pray that I get one more roommate, that can be my friend, and pray that I will like my roommates...please pray for this for me, because I am still a little bit upset about this...anyways I love you guys

Blog again soon

-Hannah

Stories from the road...and thats no bull

ok so its about time to get back on the road and i decided to blog a quick blog that actually has to do with what is going on on this trip.

So yesterday morning we left early...it wasn't the best morning I cried, although it was a weird cry, yes I was very upset that we were leaving but at the same time I was operating on 3 hours of sleep and all I could think of is once we get on the road and in the truck I can lay down and go back to sleep, so I was so ready to go it was ridiculous, and I could not wait...Which now that I look back it was probably a good thing that I was so eager to go, because if I wasnt I would have attached myself to something in my house and my parents would have been forced to pull me out, which knowing the way that my mother has been acting she wouldnt have tried and I wouldnt have went, so it was a good way to say goodbye for me.

We got on the road and nothing really eventful happened, we got going and I slept all the way from Bristol to Knoxville...woke up because my dad had to ask me a question about breakfast, and if you really know me you know that I do not substitute sleeping in for breakfast, I will just not eat, because I am happier if I get extra sleep, so I told them no, and then I told them no again, and then I rolled over on my face and shook my head no until they just let me be...When we got back on the road again, I finally fell back asleep, and just the time that my mind had stopped wandering and started dreaming my mother screams bloody murder...I jumped up our of my sleep and dad jumped and screamed at mom...and mom was like, oh I didn't mean to get you guys worried, something just jumped out in this movie. CRAP! I was awake again, so I decide to sit up and look at my phone...Nikki text me, Emily text me...it was early I forgot...battery power? yellow...not dead...close enough...I text back and said I was going back to sleep phone needed to charge...HALLELUJAH...plugged up my phone went back to sleep...woke up at 11 on the dot...ok so another weird Hannah thing all summer long I have been awake at 11 on the dot...every day. no matter what time I go to bed, that is what time I can talk myself into waking up...and I can not go back to bed past then...it just doesnt happen...so I was awake...apparently everyone else got the revelation that I woke up at 11 because just about the time I sat up my phone went off about 7 times...it made me giggle.

Nothing much happened other than text conversations, Nikki Skyped me and I could not speak back to her because I had headphones in that did not have a microphone...stupid headphone jack had to pick one or the other, but you couldnt have both unless you were amazing...So she got off, and I became amazing, we went to lunch and to walmart and I got a new pair of headphones lol...got back in the car and drove and drove and drove and started to watch a movie, got a text demanding me to get on Skype...bossy people...anyways talked to Emily and Nikki as we went over the Mississippi River and then we drove and we drove and we drove and we went into Arkansas and drove and drove and drove and made it to Little Rock and passed the Hotel that Mom wanted to stay at so we turned around and went back and we got to the exit, and the GPS took us straight to Home Depot...yay! Home Depot!!! so we put the address in again and it took us around this crazy route, and when we got to our destination we made it back to the Home Depot, then we did it again, and guess what we were at the Home Depot!!! yay yay yay yay yay yay yay!!!!!! so we called the Hotel and guess what they got us there, no pool...boo! so then we went to Applebees, and we talked and we laughed and spent time as a family...

then we got back and I took a shower...I loved that shower...it was a good shower...I was excited about taking a shower...incase you were wondering. then i got on facebook, talked to some people and about 11 me and mom decided to lay on my bed and watch a move which we did not make it through...

Nothing seriously eventful has happened on this trip so far, but maybe it will today, I will inform you of any excitement...planning on watching Surf online tonight...if I can, but I am not 100% sure I will be able too...Skype is good if you want to talk to me =] Have a great Sunday I Love you guys so much...Texas Tonight...oh and by the way where I will be staying has no cellular service so from the time I arrive until the time I leave to head to CFNI I may not be able to talk to you guys other than Skype or Facebook...Just informing you ...Love ya and I miss you guys so bad already, I am hating that I am not sitting in an amazing service at Judah Church right now, but know that my heart is with you guys and I love you guys so much....anyways talk to you later

Hannah

Hello My name is Nemo

So here I am...in Arkansas...it has been a journey today, it has been the first step taken to the rest of my life.

Here I am, I am Nemo...I am occupying a space that I do not know. I am moving out of my comfort zone in search of something bigger. I am just a kid, yes I am, but so was Jeremiah, so was David...and as I remind myself of this I feel the comfort of my savior fill my soul.

My day today has been very cartoon oriented I woke up thinking Nemo...I got a new nickname Hammy (thanks a lot Nikki and Emily I hate it so much lol) which lead to thinking of toystory...which also lead to thinking of Toy Story 3...and the goodbyes...which is technically what I am doing right now...I have driven through the roads of Arkansas (which are very very very bumpy) and I am thinking Cars and Mater and....im the first to drive on the new road!!! lol I feel like a child today I am uncomfortable in the while resting in the comfort of my heavenly father...I am insecure but at the same time I am filled with a whole new security and strength just because I am stepping out into the great unknown. (fievel goes west...ok i think i am done) and as I sit here I think of all of these childhood characters that I have always cherished...and there is something cool that I thought of when I thought of each of them...all of them stepped out of their comfort zone, whether by choice or forced they took that step they made that leap of faith...in Toy Story 2 Woody and Jessie had to jump out of the airplane...something that as small toys was very intimidating, but if they did not take that jump if they did not make that leap, they would have been in the museum doing nothing for the rest of their lives, but they made that jump and because of that Woody got to go home and Jessie was once again in a home where she was loved...If Cinderella did not go to the ball, somewhere where she was not allowed and somewhere that was not in her comfort zone, she wouldnt have lost her shoe she would have never became a princess...if Mulan wouldnt have taken up for her father and her family and left the place where she knew, where she was supposed to be, where she was comfortable, she wouldnt have saved her country...so here I am...I am not comfortable Texas is not my comfort zone, but how can I have the happy ending God wants me to have if I dont take the leap of faith...so here I am I sit here and I am uncomfortable, I am upset, I am homesick, I want to cry, but just like the characters that have been most cherished in my childhood, I am going to take the leap of faith...it is time to claim my happy ending it is time to make the step that begins the journey of the rest of my life.

Now here I am back at Nemo...Nemo took the largest Journey at all, he was just a small clownfish who could not even be himself own in his family, because of his fathers fear, but in bad circumstances, he was taken from where he wanted to be...but even though he would fret, he held faith in those that he loved, and by his leap of faith, the chains and boundaries were lifted off those who he loved the most, because his father, of whom he loved the most was able to swim across the sea to find his son, and as he went on a search to find his son he found faith...and on his way, he met Dory, someone who did not even know who she was in the world, someone who didnt know even where she was, found herself, felt love, found a family when she didnt feel as if she fit...

So here I am...I am Nemo...I am going to take this leap, and as I leap, I am excited to see those that I love follow behind, and do the same and reach their full potential in God...and then I am excited to see those who they meet on their journey doing the same thing...So here I go...im taking the leap...im jumping...CANONBALL!!!!!!!!!!

Love Ya

-Hannah

If only the brakes would work...I may not reach what God wants

I sit here in my room crying after two of my best friends in the whole world have left me. I feel like my life is rushing, this is the week I leave, actually I have one whole day left in my home town, I feel like I have been running some kind of race to grow up, and now that i'm here my brakes are broken. When I want it to stop when I want to throw my hands in the air and yell,"God just give me more time, give me time to let them know I love them...why does this have to be the end?" This summer has been one of the best summers of my life, it has been something new and exciting and interesting. I have met some of the most amazing people, and I just found myself questioning God...Why would you give me the friends I have always prayed for right when I leave? Why would you teach me so many things I want to show to those I love when I am going to leave them? why why why?!?!?!? i feel like some five year old that just wants to throw my hands in the air and jump up and down and cry and pout and scream...I just dont understand I want to lock myself in a room and cry i want to punch walls I just dont understand why God is doing all of this now...and God began to speak...

God shows me as I sit here crying that if he would have let me have the brakes I would have stopped. I would have become complacent, I would not reach my full potential of what He wants for me. I begin to settle, and thank God for taking the brakes off when I feel like I need them but I don't...so I decided to blog...I went to my profile on facebook and I clicked on the blog site and the first song that begins to play on my blog profile is Absolutely by Starfield...as I listen to that song I begin to weep...I just sat and listened to it...God began to remind me of a couple weeks ago when I was praying about my future and stressing about the rules at CFNI. I was praying and I was crying out and as I prayed I began saying..."God I love you more than skulls, God I love you more than comfort, God I love you more than Glee, God I love you more than I love my friends, God I love you more than..."

Last night in my last youth service I sang absolutely and before I sang it I talked about how that song was my heart cry and how I wanted every breath that I breathed to be consumed by Him, I wanted everything in me to be about Him because I love him I love him more than life itself, because if it were not for Him I would not have any of it. I began crying and I told God I was so sorry for getting angry I was so sorry for not trusting him. and God told me, that the reason he brought the people into my life that he brought into my life this summer is because He wanted me to know that I was not alone, He brought me the friends that would be here when I came home, he brought me the people that would cry with me and would pray for me, He brought me the friends that will be in my life forever..He brought them in my life to show me love to show me He loved me, He brought them in my life to teach me how to break down my walls I have built and how to really love people...He brought them in my life to help me to grow up. and because they are God sent, He showed me they will be there when I feel all alone.

So now I sit here and I praise God, I thank God my creator and my father and my friend for giving me the things that will last, the taste of sincere love, showing me how to love others like He loves me...So to you that may be reading this, I want you to know that I may seem like I have it all together sometimes and I may seem like I dont question things, but I do, and I fight, I want you guys to know that I will continue to fight for what He wants for me and follow my purpose, I will not be stopping to get my brakes fixed, because if I take the time to do that I will use them, and when I am going down the path that God wants me going down, I dont need them to be used. I need to go full speed after Him...I will follow my savior until the day I die...and I thank Him for giving me the revelation that He gave me today...


Romans 8:28--all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose

Love You Guys So Much
-Hannah

"there's a cry in my heart
for your glory to fall
for your presence to fill up my senses...
for what do I have if I don't have you Jesus
What in this life could mean anymore?"
-Starfield