If only the brakes would work...I may not reach what God wants

I sit here in my room crying after two of my best friends in the whole world have left me. I feel like my life is rushing, this is the week I leave, actually I have one whole day left in my home town, I feel like I have been running some kind of race to grow up, and now that i'm here my brakes are broken. When I want it to stop when I want to throw my hands in the air and yell,"God just give me more time, give me time to let them know I love them...why does this have to be the end?" This summer has been one of the best summers of my life, it has been something new and exciting and interesting. I have met some of the most amazing people, and I just found myself questioning God...Why would you give me the friends I have always prayed for right when I leave? Why would you teach me so many things I want to show to those I love when I am going to leave them? why why why?!?!?!? i feel like some five year old that just wants to throw my hands in the air and jump up and down and cry and pout and scream...I just dont understand I want to lock myself in a room and cry i want to punch walls I just dont understand why God is doing all of this now...and God began to speak...

God shows me as I sit here crying that if he would have let me have the brakes I would have stopped. I would have become complacent, I would not reach my full potential of what He wants for me. I begin to settle, and thank God for taking the brakes off when I feel like I need them but I don't...so I decided to blog...I went to my profile on facebook and I clicked on the blog site and the first song that begins to play on my blog profile is Absolutely by Starfield...as I listen to that song I begin to weep...I just sat and listened to it...God began to remind me of a couple weeks ago when I was praying about my future and stressing about the rules at CFNI. I was praying and I was crying out and as I prayed I began saying..."God I love you more than skulls, God I love you more than comfort, God I love you more than Glee, God I love you more than I love my friends, God I love you more than..."

Last night in my last youth service I sang absolutely and before I sang it I talked about how that song was my heart cry and how I wanted every breath that I breathed to be consumed by Him, I wanted everything in me to be about Him because I love him I love him more than life itself, because if it were not for Him I would not have any of it. I began crying and I told God I was so sorry for getting angry I was so sorry for not trusting him. and God told me, that the reason he brought the people into my life that he brought into my life this summer is because He wanted me to know that I was not alone, He brought me the friends that would be here when I came home, he brought me the people that would cry with me and would pray for me, He brought me the friends that will be in my life forever..He brought them in my life to show me love to show me He loved me, He brought them in my life to teach me how to break down my walls I have built and how to really love people...He brought them in my life to help me to grow up. and because they are God sent, He showed me they will be there when I feel all alone.

So now I sit here and I praise God, I thank God my creator and my father and my friend for giving me the things that will last, the taste of sincere love, showing me how to love others like He loves me...So to you that may be reading this, I want you to know that I may seem like I have it all together sometimes and I may seem like I dont question things, but I do, and I fight, I want you guys to know that I will continue to fight for what He wants for me and follow my purpose, I will not be stopping to get my brakes fixed, because if I take the time to do that I will use them, and when I am going down the path that God wants me going down, I dont need them to be used. I need to go full speed after Him...I will follow my savior until the day I die...and I thank Him for giving me the revelation that He gave me today...


Romans 8:28--all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose

Love You Guys So Much
-Hannah

"there's a cry in my heart
for your glory to fall
for your presence to fill up my senses...
for what do I have if I don't have you Jesus
What in this life could mean anymore?"
-Starfield